helllllo. sat at work again. and will be sat here tomorrow. and friday. and the whole of next week.

yesterday after work i went with my friend sandra to the new shopping centre here, just bought a present for my other friend bella, who's birthday it is today! so a massive happy birthday to her, party is on fridaaaaay. will be good! after that she dropped me off at my other friend's house (emelie) and then we went to our other friend's house (jenny) where we were just chilling watching tv and eating crisps. was a good night with the girls :)

today, i'm not gonna do ANYTHING at all. gonna go home and jump in my one piece and just watch some "quality" television. hah. i love that, not doing anything.

me in my one piece a few weeks ago. i love it so much.
best item of clothing ever.

good morning. or good ... mid-day? i've been up for about 6 hours already. what is my life?! too much work. oh well, it's money so i'm not complaining. & i also really like my job so all is good!

later today i think i'm gonna meet up with a few friends to go shopping. i need to get a birthday present for a friend who's birthday it is tomorrow. i HATE buying gifts cause i never know what to get :| i'm so shit. any suggestions? she's turning 21 and she loves liverpool, music, party and .. yeah.

yeahh, she's a bit weird.

actually think i'm gonna die soon. i need food so bad right now. 30mins until lunch still. i want food NOW. also craving sweets and icecream so bad right now. food food food. now now now.

bored at work. bored at work. bored at work.

i wanna go to the cinema today. so bad. but my friend is ignoring me. bitch. haha. also hoping that the dress i ordered the other day arrives today. and hopefully all the books i ordered for £60. what is wrong with me? loving life with my books.
should probably do a bit of work to be honest. i'm so hungry though. overslept so didn't have time for breakfast. need to go buy some breakfast soon or i'll probably just die.

bye now. bye-bye. goodbye. see ya.

the dress i ordered :) so pretttty. yaay!

i feel better. much better. thank you head for realising that he's not worth your time. stop dwelling over him and start focusing on the people who treats you right.

for now, you can call me a harry girl.

i'm sat here. just staring at the screen. not knowing what to write or how i feel. i'm numb. i feel happy because i have the most amazing friends who actually care for me. but at the same time, i wish he cared as much as my friends do. yesterday i had this hole in my stomach, it was one of the worst pains i've ever felt. but i have a best friend, called grace. we had a heart to heart about our lives and we can relate to each other so much. it feels like she's me in another body. i wish more than anything that i didn't have to sit in my bedroom all alone infront of a laptop talking to the people who cares about me. i wish i had them all close to me, close enough to hug. to cry infront of. i want to hear their voices telling me that it'll all be alright. i feel so lonely here. no one to actually talk to. i don't usually talk about my feelings and thoughts out loud. but right now, i wish i at least had the opportunity to.

after last night, i still feel angry/sad/upset/annoyed/pissed off. but at the same time, i'm happy. i didn't feel happy at all yesterday. but i do today, so that's always a step towards the better. i feel better because deep down, i know he cares. why would he write that to me if he didn't care? he was upset by what i tweeted. i just wish he would have showed me that he cared a long time ago and in a better way. a nice way.

i'd rather him be upset than not care at all.

i feel like i'm the worst person in the world. i feel like i've been hurt a thousand times by the same person. i feel like i've been stabbed right in my heart. i feel like he's a jealous boyfriend. but the truth is, he's a celebrity. a celebrity who doesn't give a fuck about me. i'm just a fan. a stupid little fan, who's always been there for him. and as soon as i turn on him, he gets pissed off? does he have a right to be pissed off with me? he's been making me feel like absolute shit most of the time for 11 months. and now when i finally realise that there are other people who treat me better, he's being moody with me? making me feel like i've done something wrong. truth is, i feel like such a bitch. but why should i care? he hasn't cared for 11 months, why should i? at first he made me so angry, i still am. but soon enough that anger turned to tears and sadness.

i don't want to lose him, even though i never had him in the first place.


I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
Why does it always rain on me?