i'm sat here. just staring at the screen. not knowing what to write or how i feel. i'm numb. i feel happy because i have the most amazing friends who actually care for me. but at the same time, i wish he cared as much as my friends do. yesterday i had this hole in my stomach, it was one of the worst pains i've ever felt. but i have a best friend, called grace. we had a heart to heart about our lives and we can relate to each other so much. it feels like she's me in another body. i wish more than anything that i didn't have to sit in my bedroom all alone infront of a laptop talking to the people who cares about me. i wish i had them all close to me, close enough to hug. to cry infront of. i want to hear their voices telling me that it'll all be alright. i feel so lonely here. no one to actually talk to. i don't usually talk about my feelings and thoughts out loud. but right now, i wish i at least had the opportunity to.

after last night, i still feel angry/sad/upset/annoyed/pissed off. but at the same time, i'm happy. i didn't feel happy at all yesterday. but i do today, so that's always a step towards the better. i feel better because deep down, i know he cares. why would he write that to me if he didn't care? he was upset by what i tweeted. i just wish he would have showed me that he cared a long time ago and in a better way. a nice way.

i'd rather him be upset than not care at all.